It's getting harder

Yesterday was hard for me.  Usually I do pretty well helping out and can be patient trying to understand my dad.  He wasn't patient today and only smiled a few times at my kids' antics.  I was able to feed him a lot (he LOVES hawaiian pizza) and he was frustrated when he wasn't able to get a 4th slice (it was gone) and he had to go back to the Pretzel crust (which he usually loves).  He was dying for his lemonade and I gave him some.  He sputtered and coughed and told me that his throat only liked water, and he wanted lemonade.  Then he tried again and spit lemonade all over my hand.  The third try was the charm and he was able to finish it off.  He really wanted to pick out the perfect doorbell and it wasn't working out for him, because he had me in charge of the computer and just kept telling me down and up randomly, so I still have no idea what he was looking for, other than a wireless doorbell with two push buttons.  It was frustrating for him not finding the perfect doorbell, so he decided he wanted to see the other doorbell and had me look up it's model number.  No dice.  I spent forever searching though.  Then he had me get his push button from beside his bed and when I pushed it, I was able to find the other doorbell, which is really the one he wanted to search for.  I handed it over to Scott, because I was feeling overwhelmed. Mom got back (I really hope I was of some help for her) and she pulled a new doorbell out.  Dad wasn't happy about the lack of a second pushbutton.   I tried to give him more water and I wasn't getting it close enough to him, so he just got mad and said he was done!  I was too.  I started having flashbacks to when I was a kid and never did enough or was good enough.  My dad is a great Dad, but he has his bad moments and I was remembering those.  I was able to clean up some more and not cry, but I wanted out.  I don't want my kids seeing the mad side of their beloved Papaw.  We all left and then I cried some.  It's hard.  My mom needs better breaks though.  It was hard for me and I was only there for the day.  I'm still glad that we have him around, but I'm really hoping for him to do better before he goes.  He has to be patient with everyone helping him.  At least we're trying.  We could just leave him alone, but I would never do that to my mom.  I'm super hoping his communication device comes, so we know what he wants/needs!